I'd rather be dumb :)

6 weeks along

So, I'm a teacher.  My life revolves around constantly acquiring more knowledge to better my life and those around me.  I LOVE that we live in the age of google.  I find myself looking up silly questions everyday and learning extremely random facts  (Like who knew that the guy who invented cruise control was actually blind!)  I had an epiphany today.  Although I LOVE learning more- especially when it comes to how our bodies work, but perhaps knowledge isn't the best when it comes to faith...  Knowledge can be a wall that blocks faith.

"We've got to get to the point in our lives where we actually believe that God and His desires  for us are truly the things that are going to make us happiest, give us the most peace, and satisfy our souls.  We talk about this and know in our minds that its true, but somehow these beliefs don't make their way into our everyday lives.  I mean, if they did, wouldn't we be act different?  I don't think it's because we don't want to be happy or that we want to sabotage our own lives... maybe we just don't REALLY trust God.  We've got to decide that no matter what the cost, we want to be satisfied in God alone.  in Him alone... Anything in my life that are more exciting or more valuable to me than God, well that's an idol.  I don't want to be like that...  I want to be most satisfied in Him." Jeff Deyo

This week, I go in for my first dr.'s appt.  Evidently they don't do ultrasounds until later to listen for a heartbeat.  It can be hard to find until later so my dr. doesn't even try until they can be more sure of the result.  I'm so glad it's the way they do it- it gives me another opportunity (or rather forces me) to rest in God's knowledge.  

  I've been a little hungup on that nagging fact in the back of my head that I don't know if the baby inside me is developing correctly and that I'll make it to 12 weeks with a healthy baby.  But if you start to worry about that, where does it end?  Make it to 12 weeks and I'm sure there are so many other worries to worry about.  It's making me wonder if it was easier to have stronger faith back in the day when ultrasounds were not as readily available.  You would know less and therefore HAVE to trust God since there are not other options.  It starts to make me think that more knowledge could just means more worry.  WOah!  Epiphany!  Adam and Eve ate from the tree of knowledge of good and evil.  More knowledge isn't always best.  It allows for more opportunity for Satan to make His way in and use facts and knowledge to freak us out and lose faith in the Creator of the Universe.  

   That's it.  Our child's life may be in my belly, but it's certainly not in my hands.  Jesus- help remind me everyday of parenthood that YOU are in control and that I can truly trust your wisdom.